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Rosi’s Experience with Miscarriage, IVF, Pregnancy and Grief

Written by Rosi - one of Love Kiddo's lovely brand reps

I found out I was pregnant 18th October 2020. I remember the day like it was yesterday. 

I was at work feeling rubbish and sent Dave a text that read…

“I tell ya what. I feels sooo crappy. My tummy feels like I have a melon in there that is digging its way out with a fork ! Cramps and swelling tummy...... sooooooo grumpy right now !!”

His response was go home and take a pregnancy test. 

Now to most this would seem like a genuine belief and hope that it could be our time. Really, we both knew that 9 times out of 10 I would take a pregnancy test, get a negative result and then my cycle would start the following day. 

At this point we were 4 years deep in our TTC journey so we really didn’t believe it was going to happen. After all, we had already had lots of tests and were about 2 months away from being sent for IVF. 

By some miracle it was our turn. That little positive line was there. One I had never seen before. One I never thought I’d see. I can’t begin to explain how I felt. It all seemed so unreal. 

The first few weeks were tough I was sick…a lot! Morning, afternoon, evening and even the middle of the night. So much so I had to tell my work and family way earlier than we had hoped. Everyone was over the moon! They had waited and hoped for years just like us. 

But it wasn’t meant to be. 

I will save you the details but I had a missed miscarriage followed by a medically managed miscarriage procedure. 

- A missed miscarriage is when a baby has died in the womb, but the mother hasn't had any symptoms, such as bleeding or pain.

- Medical management of a miscarriage is where medications are given to speed up the process of miscarriage that hasn’t happened naturally, often in the case of missed miscarriages

Our hearts were broken. Work gave me all the time off I needed - they were amazing. Our families gave us the space we needed too. It was hard for them too, some managed better than others, everyone managed better than us. 

I finally got a negative test result on Christmas Eve. That was the strangest feeling. Waiting for the negative result I thought I would never wish for but knowing I needed it to be able to move forward and try again.

When we were ready to try again we were told that we would need to be TTC for another year from this miscarriage before we could be referred again to go through all the testing. 

I can’t begin to describe the frustration, anger and pain we were in. I remember crying on the phone to the GP as she bluntly explained this to me but those feelings were the push we needed. We agreed if we didn’t fall pregnant naturally by the summer we would go privately. 

No surprise to us summer hit and we were still not pregnant. So we did it, we got the funds we needed and made the call to start a private fertility journey in September 2021.

We had all the tests redone and learnt a little more about what was happening…stuff we didn’t know before. Apparently I have polycystic ovaries.

How was that missed?

I hugged the lady so tight when she told me that. It was the first time a person gave me even a tiny answer or possibility as to why this was our situation. 

Suddenly it felt like there was light at the end of the tunnel. 

We proceeded with treatment as soon as we could. First we tried one round of IUI. 

IUI, also known as artificial insemination, is a type of fertility treatment in which the better quality sperm are separated from sperm that are sluggish, non moving or abnormally shaped. These sperm are then injected directly into the womb.

Unfortunately this was unsuccessful… but I knew in my gut it wasn’t the right thing for us. 

Then in January 2022 we started IVF. 

It wasn’t easy, it was mentally and physically draining. 

I had to go to the clinic every other day for scans so I had to tell people what was happening. Telling people was so bitter sweet.

You’re excited but terrified.

After seeing how the miscarriage affected my family I chose not to tell them - after all it might not even work. 

All was going well, injections we mastered, trigger shot done and dusted. Then it was egg collection day. 

I was woken by a phone call from my mum. she never calls me and definitely not this early. 

My great uncle, who I called Grandad had passed away. I was crushed but I had a big day ahead. I had to get up and get this day done. My mum knew nothing of my treatment. As far as she was aware it was a normal working day for me. 

Heartbroken as I was I knew we had to keep going. I had the collection and then the transfer and all seemed to be going well. 

On 26th February we got the positive test result we hoped for. My Grandad had left this world to make space for a little one. 

The pregnancy was fully of sickness but ultimately all was okay. I was growing a perfect, wiggly little girl. Things were turning around. 

Fast forward to October 14th 2022 at 20:37pm we welcomed our beautiful little girl into this world. 

Chloe Ann Mae Henderson 

Mae is special to us. My Grandad's surname was May. It felt like the perfect touch. 

My journey wasn’t simple but I had an angel watching over us all the way. 

Rosi x


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